More Than My 2 Litres.

Soooo my room flooded two night ago right. Then it flooded again last night. Cheers out to my best mate for letting me stay at his place and play Wii all night instead of studying for my lab assignments today. Fantastic.

 

Save 40 lives, get a detention. I wonder if the bus driver thanked her. Honestly the justice system just goes too far these days. Vigilante life savers should all be locked up in jail and fed on a steady diet of “mind your own business” and “don’t seize opportunities to do good in the community”.

 

Todays web comic linky cracks me up.

 

Quick quiz question: should i go to Greenwood tonight? With it’s underage women and it’s ‘classy’ North Shore atmosphere i used to love the place. Not so sure now. Plus it’ll be cold. And i don’t finish Uni until 8 so i will miss happy hour (needless to say that’s my main complaint).

 

I’m out. Cool hwip.

Zeroes

Ah the waste of time that is Hero Machine.

 

 

A Conversation In Jocks

Bro: Lets pick up a prostitute and ask how much she charges per minute.

Me: Wtf? Why?

Bro: Because i am a minute man.

I am pretty sure that is more information than i ever wanted to know about my brothers sexual habits.

We then proceeded to discuss whether they would charge by time or by service. I ended up clearing the subject by saying they would have prices that take into acoount both problems.

Conversations with my brother are so fun. We either bitch about our family or work, or have in depth conversations about random things, or joke around, or fight to the verbal finish(i always win). But by far the most amusing conversations are the quoting of our favorite movies or tv shows. It goes on for hours.

Days Like These

I am a really big fan of the weather and nature. Oh don’t worry i am not a hippy. I just finished my last exam so it makes me appreciate the world a little more.

So i am at Uni appreciating the light rain sprinkling on the grounds and the lake. I was walking around and sitting in the sculptures by the lake but was getting wet so came inside.

Is that weird that i like cloudy and rainy days? And i mean the look and feel of them, not just jumping in puddles and laughing at people who don’t like being hit with muddy water.

 

 

Anyway i don’t have much else to write about at the moment so i am off to Oz Tag.

Talus Ball

Usually watching women play football (or soccer as some call it) is the most painful and uncoordinated thing one could ever observe. A few of my friends play it though and actually manage to prove me wrong on occasion. However that still have hilarious moments. Seeing as Google has not provided me with any pictures or good falcon’s in a girls game like i saw tonight you will have to be content with the following shitty video of a fat girl on a soccer field.

 

She either deserves to be presented a medal, or to be shot.

Flight of the Alcoholics

I always seem to get my best thoughts for something to write about when i am rather drunk. Then i promptly forget everything i was thinking about and only remember the fact that i had a good idea. Its sucks.

Recap of my weekend:

Friday night – Had my friend’s 24th Birthday. It was pretty horrible. Went to the Argyle (again) but some of his other friends did not get in because they are douchebags. I’m pretty sure that is the actual reason. In any case we then left and went to the Observer aka Shit On A Stick.

 

Saturday – Got home at three-ish. Had to be up by six for work. After work i went to my ex-girlfriends engagement party. Her fiancee is blander than tofu.

Sunday – Sleep and work and watch Rove (mainly for Hamish and Andy of course). Nothing exciting.

 

P.S. Is it just me or does anyone else love the “Kevin Rudd: PM” segment on Rove? I mainly watch it for the idiotic laugh at the end but still find parts of it amusing.

 

The Third Person Drinks Beer

Lanky (aka Chasing Geese)has made Nathan Jones unfortunately want to speak in the third person. So Nathan Jones is drinking beer and doing exactly that. Nathan has tonight discovered a lot of things he hates. A few of them being:

• People who, when Nathan is at work and says “Hi how are you today?”, immediately respond with “Two Winfield Blue.” Oh hold on… wait… no no the question was definitly not What cigarettes can i get you today? It was in fact an enquiry after your health. Seeing as you are a smoker and a prick Nathan guesses your health is not good. AND Nathan will not offer you the twin pack which would save you $3.00. Shove that in your pipe and smoke it.

 

• Driving next to large trucks. Nathan drives a 4WD. A small one. It’s good for picking up the ladiezzzzzz. Actually it is the poor man’s version of any better 4WD, and that is all of them. And typically as a male, Nathan does not like things bigger than him.

 

• Bugs. Any insects really, and yes that includes spiders. Especially spiders.

 

• People that smell like they bathe in a cesspool in their spare time.

 

• People that think they know things that they don’t. The flip side is that Nathan loves telling them when they are wrong and proving it to them too. Nathan blames Today Tonight and A Current Affair for making people smart ass’s.

 

• Tupperware. No idea why. It’s just a creepy thing.

 

• Being forced into the Women’s toilets. It is a very uncomfortable place to be. Nathan has no problem with girls in the guys toilets though, unless they smell worse, then it’s saddening.

 

• Work pants that keep unzipping no matter what happens. Nathan feels uncomfortable baring his pink, teddy bear jocks to the rest of the Bankstown area.

 

• Erratic drivers. Those who are deserve a Kit Kat Chunky (sometimes called the Big Finger, but only by Cadbury) inserted into their trunk space.

 

• Overly modest people. Everybody knows you secretly have your head so far up your anus you can lick your own tonsils. Stop false modesty now. Call 1900 – ARROGANCE. If Nathan does not answer he is just too good for you.

 

• Having a lack of theme parks in Sydney. Wonderland was the epitome of excellence. It was like Australia’s Empire State Building but better (because Australia’s Empire State is Uluru, which is NOT a convenient tourist attraction by any means).

 

Nathan has more but he is bored with this and bored with his life. And is in the mood for his third beer then bed.

Nathan – Over and out.

That blows more than a cheap prostitute

I went to hand in a Uni assignment today that was due at 5. Now I’m not one to get things in early, however i did get there just after 4:30 to hand it in. When i went to try and get into the building i discovered none of the doors were open. Thats not very handy, so i rang the door bell. I stood there and rang and rang and rang. AND THEN i got really angry. You won’t like me when I’m angry. 

HULK SMASH!!!!!!!

I tried to ring them as well - no answer. So what the hell do i do?! Thats just ridiculous. UWS staff really need to get their act together. I’m still livid. Contemplating sending a livid email, full of livid comments and livid capital letters.

I’m probably one of these kids.

 

 

 

Livid.

Stop the Beat

So this is my mugshot:

Cheers to Lanky for the link to the site, which i shall also include here.
I am 90% sure that i look like Rhys from Malcolm In The Middle, one of the greatest tv shows of all time.

 

Issue of the day: Cosmo article – Viva La Femolution

Yeah we get it, its a clever little pun, like revolution but involving feminism right? It just makes me think of a hygiene cream for a ladies ground floor- “Femulution - Problems? Use Our Feminine Solution” *shakes head*.

In any case the article reads like a list of this years most boring achievements and not because they are female trust me. So here is Cosmo’s Top 10 “Girl Power” moments.

1. Hillary Clinton for President – She lost out to the king of the world. Nobody can tell if she did much good or not because everyone lost to him, however she did give him a better run for his money than John McLame.

2. Sex and the City: The Movie - Yawn. Three promiscuous overly middle aged ladies. “I’m Samantha….I have sex with EVERYONE” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall. They just don’t do it for me sorry.

3. If you wannabe my lover! - The comeback of the Spice Girls! OMGOSH like so excited. OMGOSH like so glad they cancelled their tour of Australia. I vaguely recollect some years ago being forced to have needles penetrate my eyes and come out via my auditory canal watch the Spice Girls movie. Never again.

4. Julia Gillard – our first female Deputy PM! - Don’t care very much. A milestone yes but she is clearly not the best thing to come alond since sliced cheese (it’s better than bread, trust me). Minister for Education; Minister for Employment and Workplace Relations; and Minister for Social Inclusion; Miss Julia Gillard is wearing far too many hats and our children will suffer because of it! Or min would if i had any children, ladies let me know if there is any out there.

5. Female governor general – Not the most useful office of the Commonwealth Government. Only good for getting rid of good strong Prime Ministers who did more for this country than Howie ever did. For those who don’t understand look it up, you learnt it in year 9 and 10.

6. Come on Aussie!! - She isn’t as attractive as everyone says she is. I have seen plenty better. As a rule most elite sportspeople are not the best looking bunch, so i suppose she is a bit above average for them. And anyway Michael Phelps looks like he was mangled by a dog as a child. No offense. Oh and Australia’s performance this year in the Olympics was abysmal.

7. Mother and daughter climbing mountains! - Was this even in the news? Because i must have missed it. They climbed the highest mountain on each continent. A worthy feat. Probably the best of this bunch of “achievements”.

8. I’m not there… but Cate is – Ah, a woman plays a man. The central theme to feminism. Be like men get treated like men, yay! I’m sure i have glossed over many important and inconsequential points but frankly my dear i don’t give a damn. Anyway Cate Blanchett did a good job being and artsy man – Bob Dylan. Congratulations to women everywhere.

9. Here come the brides! – Unnattractive lesbians getting married. Portia De Rossi and Ellen Degeneres. And i hate Ellen, her talkshow is boringly lacking in everything needed for my moral fibre and entertainment purposes. I am qualified to make this statement as i am the King of daytime television. Good riddance.

10. Tyra’s got curves… SO WHAT? - HAHAHAHA Tyra Banks. The new pin-up girl for feminism? A model, who i have heard call one of her contestants too fat, has made this list. Why? Because she wore two one piece swimsuits and talked about having her ‘natural’ curves. And i especially love how they made the subtitle “…SO WHAT?” like someone was immediately disagreeing and bagging Tyra. Oh it was to me was it?

 

Bleh. Magazines disgust me. Except Dolly- in the Dolly Doctor section. I laugh my giant head off at the ignorance and the pervesity of children today.

 

Musicality

Anyone who knows me well enough to know i love musicals has to be a good friend(or now, a member of the public). Andrew Lloyd Webber is a genius. My reasoning? If i can do both of these entire dance and song routines, then musicals have to be something completely unhomosexual and awesome.

Note: I will restrict my infliction upon you of my musical values to my favorite character scenes in each movie.

 

That was the Rum Tum Tugger from Cats. The badboy of the Cats pack kicks ass. And he’s curious.

Next up we have Judas from Jesus Christ Superstar. Now i have watched both the 1973 one and the more recent one and black Judas is clearly seven cuts above white pedophilic looking Judas.

 

Other excellent musicals or theatre productions include The Phantom of the Opera and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat.

 

And if you want to diss me for liking musicals then im pretty sure you care too much about my tastes and should make sweet sweet love to a goat.